


The Tell-Tale Tire

by bamfbugboy



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Crack, Humor, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes is a Little Shit, if you squint there's a brief mention of mchanzo, in game overwatch shenanigans, written in the style of a cheap rip off of edgar allen poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8491123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamfbugboy/pseuds/bamfbugboy
Summary: On a dark, spooky night on King's Row, Jameson "Junkrat" Fawkes has the last laugh against his foes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zath/gifts), [CaptainCorgi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCorgi/gifts).



> This story is a complete joke, so please don't take it seriously. It's based on events that happened during my late night charity stream for Extra Life. This story is basically taking what happened in game and putting a stupid silly narrative to it for my friend, Zath, whom I was retelling it to.
> 
> I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Edgar Allen Poe, who didn't die to one day get butchered like this with terrible jokes.

My name is Jameson Fawkes, but I'd prefer if you'd call me Junkrat, mate. I'm filthy, dirty, and I'm here to have a good time. My hair is unwashed and I smell like Vegemite. Don't ask me to shower, or I'll cut you.

My terrible tale begins in the evening hours in King's Row, London. I was hobbling my way to the first stop on our mission to secure an EMT payload to destroy the bloody Omnics. We were attacking the plaza and succeeding against our foes. I, a trash child, left my bear trap on the point, in plain sight. I was killed by the enemy Torbjorn's turret. He was afk. Probably watching porn.

So I came back to life, new air filling my dirty, soiled lungs. There I was, hobbling my way back to the point once more. I look ahead of me and saw the ping of "TRIGGERED" flash before my eyes. My prey stepped into the bear trap. A wild Genji.

His name... oh, his name... was Twostep.

The machinations of my mind began to churn, I began to plan, plan, plan.

I knew immediately what I was to say...

I waited, fiendishly grinning. I waited, I took my time, my patience unbounded, as we began to take the first point.

I began to type, my fingers flying on the keys! I turned my eyes to match chat, and I kindly pressed the enter key, prepared for what was to come.

"I guess you could say you really..."

The sunglasses appeared from out of thin air above me, and they fell upon my face, covering my eyes. I bore my teeth, ready for the finishing blow.

"I guess you could say you really _Twostepped_ in it... Mate..."

Ah, ah! It does not stop there, my friend! The night had only just begun!

My good friend Hellish was the first to lay his eyes upon what transpired. He yelled over Discord, "FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU." 

I grinned. I giggled. I knew what was coming.

"What?!" Our other friends asked.

I laughed, the howl of a hyena in the night.

It was time.

"READ CHAT," He bellowed.

Nothingness filled the air, the silence pregnant. Then, it came, like a rushing tide. Loud wailing, like banshees screaming in the dead of night.

They couldn't handle my pun, my fiendish, cruel pun. I cackled. I steepled my fingers.

The game continued.

I hobbled through the streets of London, my peg leg clattering against the stones. I was nearly killed by a Torbjorn's turret as it lay in wait in the cafe, a Reinhardt's red shield protecting it from our onslaught. I went into the bookstore. I grabbed a medpack.

I looked down and I saw, wickedly, that my rip-tire was nearly ready.

I saw our enemies still instead the cafe. I knew what was to come next.

I took a sharp right, heading to the entrance to the King's Row Metro Station. I hobbled around. I pulled my tire off of my back, the chain rattling in my ears. I unleashed it into the night right as a haughty cowboy, Jesse McCree walked my way. He saw what was coming, and he backed up in fear. 

Oh, but the tire, the tire! The tire was not for him! No sir!

My tire ripped through the night, into the cafe, and it detonated upon three of my foes. Killing them in one fell swoop.

Ah... but do not forget.

The lone cowboy! Alone, poor cowboy, without your clever archer to save you!

I came out of my rip tire, but I did not have a second to react!

The man took his pistol, his Peacemaker, and he shot me in the head!

But I...

Jameson Fawkes...

Had the last laugh...

As I died, my bombs exploded against the cobblestones...

And Jesse McCree...

Walked over my body, as I died.

So, you could say...

_"Don't do it!"_ They cried. 

That he really....

stepped in it...

mate....

**Fin**

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to suffer through the videos pulled from the stream, you can find them here in this [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQHTSgWp7h0dP8UaGBkbb0fnnynIilN8n). Make sure you read the chat if you do, that's where it gets really good.


End file.
